Top 10: Facts I Learned While Learning Cooking

#10   Smoking a cigarette while cooking looks cool only in movies. Its actually a royal pain in the ass.
#9   Using a plastic plate to cover a hot metal utensil on full gas is never acceptable. Always remember your chemistry. Plastics melt.
#8   Putting more water is the best way to rectify your mistake. Any mistake. Well, ALMOST any mistake.
#7   Corollary: When making a mistake, always err on the side of less water. You can always add some (see #8 above).
#6   Potatoes take longer to cook than onions. Much much longer. So much longer that your onions will die long before the potatoes show even the slightest discomfort in the fire.
#5   The only stumbling block in cooking is fear of failure. Hence, you cook the best when you are cooking only for yourself. (Credit to Julia of ‘Julie & Julia’ fame for some inspiration here; if you don’t know either of those names, I don’t blame you)
#4   If your mother tells you something to do, don’t try to improvise. You will fuck it up.
#3   A washcloth is the most important object in a kitchen. The second most important is an apron. If you have one, that is.
#2   Always be suspicious when your girlfriend offers to cook lunch for you. In all probability, you will end up cooking for both.
…and the number one fact I learned while learning cooking is… …

#1   It is very difficult to learn any more than 9 new things in about half an hour of cooking.
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